Here you can delve into the deepest, darkest depths of the minds of our two protagonists and get to know their innermost workings.

Wait… on second thought… that would be a *really* bad idea, especially in the case of the male counterpart. So instead, we’ll just let them describe (or lie about) themselves in their own words. That’s much safer…. I think…*shudder*

Oh God help us all!

Hatman – The far from silent protagonist.

Hatman (1).png

Basic Stats

Name: Hatman
Aliases: Asshole, Bastard
Age: 33 in Solar Orbits but Millennia old in Cynicism and Sarcasm.
Birthday: A well kept secret.
Blood Type: O+
Eye Colour: Ranges from Golden Brown to Black depending on mood but usually Brown.
Height: 6’1″ (1.85m)
Hairstyle: Scruffy
Distinguishing Features: Chronic stubble, scar on left side of his jaw, hat, trenchcoat.
Characteristics: Smart-arsed, Sarcastic, Rapier Wit (Voiceover guy: Ahem… he means ‘humour as subtle as a brick to the back of the head’ )
Catchphrases: ‘Meh’ (In every situation ever!), ‘What doesn’t kill me… had best start running.’, “Without ME it’s just AWESO…”
Weapons of choice: Leatherman, Duct Tape, Cable Ties and Sarcasm.

Special Moves:

Geekout: The ability to jabber incessantly about something geeky until peoples heads explode.
Factoid: Spouting random factoids in rapid succession.
Pun-isher: Affinity for making groan-worthy puns you nonetheless can’t help but laugh at.
On Point: Making people look by randomly pointing at nothing.
Stealth Point: Same as ‘On Point’ but without actually pointing and instead just looking quizzically past someone.


Not being satisfied with being birthed like a normal person, Hatman came into being in a blinding flash of Awesome and has been wandering the planet ever since. This unnatural creation and insane amounts of Awesome required for such a feat however affected his mind making it a strange, wonderful and frequently terrifying place even he is afraid to visit. He is generally a fairly jovial character but you do not want to get on his bad side. Lover of all things weird, strange, unexplained and macabre.


Jenzubean – The bright and shiny one


“Breakdown of the Jenzubean..”

 Application Form – Partners In Crime

Only short, bullet answers required – don’t go overboard!

Name: Jenzubean

Age: It’s rude to ask a lady that! But I will say this… 1986 was an excellent vintage!

Blood type: Caffeine & Glitter

Eye colour: A very pretty blue

Height: 5’4” (1.65m) and PROUD, damnit!

Hairstyle: Curly A.F. I just wash my hair and hope for the best.

Other features: Red & Black rimmed glasses, ever present (sometimes slightly deranged looking) smile, booty for days, slippers.

Characteristics: Sunny disposition, occasional psychotic episodes, perky to the point of irritation, scares very easily.

Spirit animal: Psyduck

Theme song: Shiny Happy People – REM  (Hatman: Oh lord is she ever happy and shiny… picture Kaylee from Firefly times 10!)

Quote of the Day: “How much wood would a Woodchuck chuck if a Woodchuck could chuck wood?”

Describe yourself in the 3rd person in 150 words or less:

Jen is fangirl to numerous fandoms, often fantasizing of traveling alongside The Doctor in the Tardis, stopping off at Hogwarts, getting into trouble and having the Winchester boys swoop in to save the day. Her slight obsession with Young Adult Fiction has cost her more than a few pennies and having recently been convinced (forced is such a strong word) to actually watch Star Wars for the first time, googling pictures of Chewbacca has become a favorite past time. Even her phone roars like a Wookiee when receiving a message.

She is a Pisces, enjoys singing Time Warp at Karaoke, can literally live off NikNaks, might be addicted to coffee and has never met a Chomp she didn’t love. Also, she wants a ferret as a pet.

This girl loves watching movies for the fun of it. Even the bad ones.